Hope Makes Changing Your Life Easier

Sometimes we fail.  We fail in our worship of Allah.  We fail in fulfilling commitments to others.  We fail in protecting ourselves and our families when we open ourselve up to influences or suggestions that lead us into the twists and turns of life that are better left unexplored.

Consider the following:

A mother and teacher advises strangers but abandons her own family.

A man who has memorized over half of the quran becomes an adulterer.

A man who saves others in during a robbery goes home to his stash of illegal drugs.

We know that each of us is a mixture of strength and weakness.  We know we should come to Allah with a mixture of fear and hope.  Too often, in knowing the magnitude of our failings, we let the fear drive us away from hope.  When we give up hope, we begin to justify our failings and begin a moral spiral  downward.  We give up prayer.  We give up fasing.  We seek non-Muslim society and avoid Muslims.  We know we are lost, but we don’t know how to find our way back.

We look at the complications involved in retracing our steps, in reconnecting with family and friends, in undoing the wreckage we’ve made in our lives.  We are overwhelmed with the details we can foresee, so fearful of the details we cannot for see but which we know are out there, waiting to ambush us. It seems that continuing the downward spiral  is actually easier than the process of reversing course.

The beginning of change can be as simple as remembering hope.  Hope means making one decision such as praying one salat, or fasting one day, or turning down one drink, or going to the mosque for one event. Hope means recognizing one sign from Allah when we begin to make positive change. 

Consider:

A woman going to her first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting finds that not only is her cab driver another Muslim, but that this man who knows nothing of her journey gives her a Quran.

A man with legal problems takes a low paying job rather than make a lot of money selling drugs comes in contact at work with a lawyer who settles the legal issues pro bono.

A woman who decides to quit her working as a stripper has the suitcase stolen that contained all of her costumes.

An abusive huband attends Jumuah prayer and hears a sermon about the rights of women and wives.

These Muslims began with the first easy step–the hope that they could change. They made one decision, recognized these events as signs from Allah, and moved forward from there.

…but We leave those who rest not their hope of their meeting with Us, in their trespasses, wandering in distraction to and fro. (Quran 10:11)

Ramadan is the Time to Stop Running

Whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth is Allah’s; and whether you manifest what is in your minds or hide it, Allah will call you to account according to it; then He will forgive whom He pleases and chastise whom He pleases, and Allah has power over all things. (Holy Quran 2:284)

We all have sins for which we seek Allah’s forgiveness.  But we sometimes have secret sins that we’re afraid to mention even to our Creator, even though we know we have no secrets from Allah.  Some of us manage our secret sinss-sour, darkest hidden guilt–by turning away from Islam, claiming to be “secular Muslims” who bury sins and guilt under drugs, alcohol, sex, food, or the pursuit of money, power or fame.  Some of us claim to be practicing Muslims and do those  same things–only not so openly. Some of us drive ourselves into various states of anxiety, depression and other psychological ills.

Regardless of how it manifests in our lives, the problem is the same: we are running away from Allah. Running away often seems easier than facing the shame of  having anyone know what we’ve done wrong–whatever it is–and keeps us from taking any steps toward Allah.  We forget that the shame we fear from people we know is less than the shame we will face of the Last Day. 

Sometimes we think we can do great good in other areas of our lives and hope that Allah will forgive us everything without pur ever having to acknowledge that deepest, secret guilt.  But the hope that Allah will gloss over without ever any accounting of our worst misdeeds–our secret misdeeds–still leaves us agitated within our souls, and we are unable to feel any peace.  Without peace, we continue to pursue our addictions or diversions, compounding sin upon sin, guilt upon guilt.

The only way to stop the cycle is to turn back to Allah to ask forgiveness, to take whatever steps we must to end or undo the wrongs we’ve done.  The process is a painful one when it involves making restitution in some way to others, or going to others for help.  Sometimes the pain is in knowing that some things cannot be undone–an injured party is dead, for example. Sometimes we see the repercussions of our misdeeds affect other lives in ways it is impossible for any one person to fix.  Sometimes a choices we made years ago have lead to unforeseen disasters in our life or in the lives of others.  What then?

The answer still the same:  turn to Allah.  Stop running.  Perhaps, truth be told, it feels easier to continue running.  To stop running, to turn to Allah seems immeasurably more difficult. Continuing with a life filled with  hidden terror, addictions and emotional imbalance seems somehow to be the more familiar and safer choice, but there is this:  that choice is the choice without peace or rest or hope or light.

It is Ramadan–a month of  forgiveness and mercy. Stop running.

And whoever does evil or acts unjustly to his soul, then asks forgiveness of Allah, he shall find Allah Forgiving, Merciful. (Holy Quran 4:110) 

Seeking Unity in Marriage

Part I

To the Couple: 
Somehow we have gotten into the habit of thinking that the rules of good conduct, gentleness, mercy and forgiveness apply to all other Muslims but not to those within our own families.  Not to our husbands or our wives.  We should be treating each other as guests within our homes.  We should also realize that each of us is more vulnerable to the whispering of Shaitan when we have no place of support or of peace to return to each day.  In order to protect ourselves from Shaitan, we have to do our best to protect our spouses as well and not give Shaitan a foothold within our homes.